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post chair carrying day 48


I had an incredible internal day. While I've given Zen meditation a try, I've been studying a bit Vispassana meditation and today began. It suits me incredibly well. I don't know if I will ever go for a ten day training. That would be cool but in the meantime, I can explore and step into it. Today was mind-blowing. Just a taste and it was/is amazing. It is work also, so I am grateful to have listened to when I am ready.


Also, yesterday I met an incredible dog. This is redundant I know, all dogs are incredible. Animals in general really, but dogs are golden. This particular dog was the most present being I have ever encountered. In general, dogs are simply present, I know; but this dog (Bo) more than any I've met held my gaze and seemed not even to have the outer shell of a dog body but to simply be soul, spirit, life-energy looking back at me. He had a face I would look at and feel as if it were a human face, he was that relatable. What I learned from Bo was to simply be in the present. I've been working on that for some time, most intensely since taking up the chair almost 100 days ago. So, perhaps I was just ready to meet Bo and was able to see him; but he was utterly present for the hour or so I was with him. He requested through body language, all the loves any dog would request. It wasn't that he didn't act dog-like. He was very dog-like and he was more. A beautiful soul. And all day I found myself grateful for the present and grateful for the lesson Bo deepened for me to BE, to LIVE in the present.


I told my husband tonight about Bo and about the lesson I learned. I added, "it's not that there aren't challenges in life today, there are; but somehow, I am not burdened any longer by the Fear of those challenges." The meditation, Bo, the loss of the Love Fear Chair; something has shifted for me this week. Something like plate techtonics has slid below and lifted in me. It is a time of change. Much work to be done still. Each day. One day at a time.


I want to add too that I just learned on FB that the husband of a former co-worker passed away last night suddenly. He was a man who always smiled. I saw him deal with some difficult issues but still he found things to smile about. He raised three strong, loving children with his wife. The family is deeply close. My co-worker and her husband were in the not-so-distant honored with a community recognition for their devotion to our town and to the children of our town. They were a good team. I imagine she is devastated tonight. She is in my heart, as is he and their children. I don't think he will be far from them. His smiling strength will linger with them, I believe throughout their lives. But he will be missed bodily by his loved ones. He will be missed fiercely. 


In the midst of Life, Death. In the midst of Death, Life. We have no choice in the matter. The two are conjoined. We can turn our faces, we can run, we can try to hide, our Fear doesn't change matters. So I suggest we, I stop turning, running, trying to hide and use the energy to dance all we/I possibly can with this strange and beautiful gift that is Life...