Post-carrying Day 6
I spent some time with people i haven't been able to see much lately because of being so busy with our house painting job. I had the day off today though and so caught up with some folks and some more errands.
One person I spent a bit of time with was the friend who'd talked negatively about the chair with other people. She readily admitted today that she completely couldn't understand what the Chair was about and thought it was stupid. My response was, "Well, you could always ask me for more of an explanation." Silence. So I gave her my one line, "I am on the cusp of some enormous life choices right now (she knows what these are) and I just had to do something powerful to confront my fears so the decisions aren't made from Fear." Pause. "And it's changed my life." Pause. Then she said, "Well good, I'm glad, cause I thought it was just stupid." I let it go.
Before we'd gotten together, I'd decided I wasn't going to even bring up the FCP with her. I decided to just forgive her for the gossip and move on. Her friendship is more important than my hurt feelings. And, I'd just know it about her that I need to have clear boundaries. So I wasn't really bothered by this conversation. I sort of watched it, as quite a lot of our time together, from sort of an observer perspective. It was interesting, I saw that I have indeed changed quite a lot from the FCP. I am far more clear and far more distinctly me. Solid. This was always a friendship in which I'd felt like the little sister. Not anymore. As a matter of fact, I feel far more clearly distinct from my relationships all around. This feels enlarging. And it feels good.
Wow, I just said it feels good to feel BIG! Holycow...this will take some reflection but for now I prefer to just live in this moment and enjoy the new comfort with BIGNESS. Wow!