my . artist run website

Return to Broke-open Art Blog

Day 48 


As I sat to write this I thought, well I haven't really thought about Fear today. So I went back through the day and realized just how often I noticed concern if not Fear in myself about what others would think of me. Specifically, what they would think of me carrying the Chair. But I wonder if the Chair is just the focus and that I'd still be just as concerned, just as often, about what others think of me if I didn't carry the Chair. I mean, pretty much everywhere I went and including when I got ready to head out of the house, I was thinking about what others would think when they saw me. Wow. It's never occurred to me how much of my thinking energy goes toward thinking about what others think when they see or encounter me. I mean, it's not a tremendous proportion of my thought time, but it IS more than I would have guessed had I been asked to estimate how often other's perceptions enter my thoughts. It's embarrassingly more than I would like it to be that's for sure. 




I didn't get my site linked to FB tor figure out how to allow comments this weekend. I ended up working both Saturday and Sunday and so have just been stretched too tight. I'd really like to challenge readers to pay attention to how many times in a day the thought even flashes through your mind, 'do/will others think of me.I'  mean, I have gray hair, don't wear makeup, wear ripped and paint-stained clothes to work and STILL I think about it even if only a flash of consideration, at least once for every place I go. Yikes. And, not that it even matters really to me, I mean, usually, I don't change anything because I've considered what others might think (though sometimes I must admit, I do) but I still THINK about it! And even if I DON'T change anything because of the thought of what others think, what a waste of thought energy! What a waste of energy, period!


I suppose the Chair IS making it a bit more of an issue but honestly I wonder if there would be a decrease if I didn't carry the Chair. 


Will work on the FB thing...



Ok, just figured out the FB link! Yay! But haven't found if there's a way to enable comments to the blog. I sent a message to my website guru. Will keep you posted. (ttttthhhhhiiiiisss is a bit scary for me. I really was a massive dinosaur 48 days ago, and have therefore moved rather slowly forward. But I am moving. Sigh. Carrying Fear still)