Day 41
a.m.
Feeling very exposed in this blog. The past few days feel to touch on very deeply personal Fear issues. Too Ihave to admit, I have not proof-read my blogs until last night (as you quite likely have noticed, haha, lots of errors) because I was afraid to. I have an aversion to proof-reading my own writing, always have. Not that I don't EVER do it, but when it is something particularly exposing, it is hard for me to go back through it and catch grammatical errors as well. It feels like sprinkling salt on flayed skin. Anyway, now that I have humbly admitted this folly (Fear) and have last night (after 40 days!) moved through it. I promise I will proof-read. Not saying it will be perfect; but I will try to make it more articulate and hopefully pleasant to read.
Omigod, you poor readers, I just proofed that paragraph and found SO many errors! What a fool Fear makes one out to be!
p.m.
Had some time to just sit and look at my Fear Chair in a coffeshop today. Yeah, it'll do. I ended up not painting on it today as I'd thought I would. I was so tired from the week that I just gave myself a leisurely time in the studio working on day 7 of 30 for the painting challenge. I will likely paint the chair one day this week as my piece for one of the 30 in 30; but today I did just have a hankering to paint water. So, water it was.
I am noticing fearS surrounding my artwork are coming up because of this challenge. Right now I am afraid I will never find my niche as an artist. My techniques are moving toward impressionist but I still so love the occasional representational painting. I am thinking I need to apply what I know in representational to what I want to be able to do in impressionism such as blending. Yet do I really want to blend in my impressionist renderings? Or do I just want to improve my strokes? Who am I as a painter? I used to just be a painter, now I feel a need to identify with a specific technique or motif. I feel so all over the place. My 7 paintings this week reflect that.
For now I'll just keep painting each day and see where I go and what I learn. Like the FCP, among other things, this is a one day at a time thing for now and to expect anything else is just "interest on borrowed trouble." Gotta let go and just move forward.