Just thought I'd post an updated photo of the chair. Last night I painted "the water table" rising up the legs and lapping at the seat. Oh, and a tiny spider. Spider has to be there somewhere...
Yesterday was a real turning point. Carrying the chair is getting physically easier and it is easier to bring into places (today I carried it in my arms through Home Depot and came out with a gallon of Bondo and sandpaper on the seat) but emotionally it's becoming more of a challenge. I'm reading a lot of posts on FB and hearing a lot of people talking about Fear all of a sudden and I have to ask, why am I doing this? This is SO focusing everyone's attention on the fact that I am STILL burdened by fear. Nobody else is carrying a chair around! So why don't I just let it go? Stop carrying the chair and live life? It's tempting but it's just not time yet. It's humbling. This is very humbling. Perhaps that is part of why it's not time to stop. In a way perhaps I am being brought to my knees in humility as an alternative to being brought to my knees by fear. Hmm...
I will say too the chair connects me with people as much as it seems to keep people steering clear. Everyday I talk with at least a couple people who tell me something of their own life with Fear. Perhaps more people carry internal chairs than I like to think when I get all judgy of myself.
